D: Where?

Mo: on her face.

D: Which part of her face?

Mo: On her lip, I noticed, blue on her lip.

D: Upper or lower?

Mo: Both, she started turning blue and she became stiff. Her hands and legs were folded, and I didn’t know what it was that time, I just got so scared and I put her off like this to burp her, she then took out very little milk, probably a handful of milk, that she threw out and then she became OK and she was so sleepy that she went to sleep spell.

D: Before that she threw out milk as in curdled or?

Mo: Normal, the proper one.

D: Any smell to it?

Mo: It was fresh milk that came.

D: And some milk, not all of it?

Mo: Yeah, not all of it, just a handful.

D: Projectile or just sort of?

Mo: No, just proper throwing up.

D: With force?

Mo: Yes with force, I thought that it must be congested that’s how it must have happened then she became OK. By that time I had called the ambulance, the docs came and she was fine, but we decided to take her to the hospital and in the hospital that when they said its an convulsion and she will have to kept under observation. Now when she was kept under observation she was just very sleepy, so she was sleeping, then they took her, this is the thing I was saying the licking thing.

D: Otherwise she tends to pull your hair?

Mo: pulls so I have to wear hairband and tie my hair.

D: So its both the things simultaneously if given the choice.

Mo: Yes.

D: Sucking as well as pulling.

Mo: Yeah, pulling I stop because it hurts.

D: And even this pulling of hair she does just with you?

Mo: With her also.

D: With  maid also?

Mo: Yes, with maid also.

D: And with your husband?

Mo: Yeah, that’s like a general thing.

D: With others also?

Mo: Yeah,Yeah.

D: She pulls her owm hair also?

Mo: No, she does’nt,

D: So, go on.

Mo: So when we were in the hospital, they had to do some tests. When they did a blood test again, they took her to a room where they didn’t want me, they had to take the blood from here(points) and I could just hear she started crying and crying and howling, the same way as if something is happening and there in front of the doctor, she got a convulsion again. That’s when they decided to do a CT-scan and that time she didn’t turn blue. The eyes got fixated, looks up. I can’t say what happened in the hospital, it happened with the doctors and they did a CT-scan. It was fine everytime.  And after that for a day or so was perfectly normal, she would wake up play everything. Next at the 18^th day exactly again, 1or2 days before that she had loose motions but again I didn’t give her any medications because I said she would get loose motions and again proper motions.  

That morning when she woke up she had milk, she was fine, after her bath again, she had her milk at 11.00, after her milk while sleeping again, she had become very sleepy, like a sleepy spell, we put her on the side but she gets fixated, she was looking in one direction, put her eyes straight and she twitches her mouth (Gesture) . she is not blue and nothing happened, immediately she turns her sides and sleeps and on that day, on 12^th Dec, it happened 2 times in a day.

D: Is this sucking also, like sucking motion?           

Mo: Yes, then after that everything was normal and then we decided to leave HongKong. We came here on 28^th Dec. now probably because of stress, no sleep and the change of this thing on 30^th Dec in Aundh in the morning, she got a convulsion again.

D: At what time was it?

Mo: That was morning around 8.30.

D: What happened?

Mo: She was perfectly fine, she had her milk she was about to go down for her walk, my husband just called out to her, while calling at her, she just started getting fixated, started staring at him, getting into a sleepy spell, that’s how we come to know its about to happen, she gets so fixated, she will stare, just look you can see her face becoming pale, her eyes are like, you can make it out from her eyes, now I can make it out from her eyes.

D: Her eyes are droopy?

Mo: No, its just straight.

D: Straight, OK.

Mo: she gets into a sleepy spell, we put her on the side, and she just looks up again, so for about 40-50 secs.(shows the sucking) she twitches her mouth.

D: And then after that?

Mo: She is fine after that , the whole day she was perfectly fine.

D: She would go to sleep.

Mo: Then she would go to sleep for 1-2hrs, then she would be fine.

D: This is the pattern it always follows?

Mo: Yes, ever since then from that day, touchwood, no convulsions, no twitching of the mouth, except that sleepy spell that this happened in between.

D: That’s more or less the update now.

Mo: Yes, my notice Doc, ever since we have come here, now she has not been well, her face today, this morning I was skeptical and I was so sure in my thought that she would get, but touchwood, they didn’t happen. I don’t know why I feel what came across my mind, maybe it’s the weather because all the time, it happens, it happens in the cold weather. In HongKong it was very cold but when we came to Pune it was still very cold in the morning, but ever since now the weather has not been cold, I feel it must be because of the weather, because she didn’t get it and she has been getting up in the middle of the night.

D: Today what did you feel, what was your justification?

Mo: Because seeing her eyes, she has been waking up consecutively 2 nights, the normal same pattern which wakes up in the night ehh… stressed out with not felling well, her normal eyes, face, you can make out, but it didn’t happen.

D: But according to you why not?

Mo: I think it was cold, the weather.

D: So its not as cold as there?

Mo: No,no, not at all, in HongKong it was really cold. When I came to Pune on 30^th Dec, it was still cold in the morning, the weather was 6-10C.

D: So what you are saying here its?

Mo: Here its not its colder there. You know Doc, when she gets stressed out or she doesn’t sleep properly, her cheeks tend to get red.

D: Red?

Mo: Yeah, red, this is what I have noticed, when she doesn’t have proper sleep.

D: Both her cheeks got red?

Mo: Yes, but this time touchwood, it didn’t happen, no sleep, inspite of giving medication, inspite of everything, the same scenario, its happened she got a bad cold but nothing touchwood.

D: Tell me more about her, just generally besides whatever

Mo: On the whole I feel she has advanced in her developments, from what I read from books, like now she is only 8 mths, but if there is a grip, she wil stand and crawls around. She will try to walk it up already which only happens in the 9^th or 10^th mth, she is getting that so I feel her development is good.

She sits on her own now, on the whole is happy, smiling, healthy, she always laughs, she always plays, she enjoys playing ball, seeing people dance, she giggles, enjoys people dancing on the whole. She is fine, she eats food now. She shows interest in food. Smiles and giggles when my brother and sister dance, she loves it on the whole. She has been perfectly fine.

D: Something more special about her.

Mo: In her normal daily life?

D: Her mannerisms, what things make her happy, what she enjoys doing, what things frighten her?

Mo: one thing I have noticed since we have come from HongKong, this is my personal notice, this,I feel my husband does not agree with me, but we stayed in Aundh, that’s my husband’s house, whenever we put her to bed, it’s a new house, new environment for her, so it will take time for her to adjusted but in the middle of the night, when she would wake up at 3.30 in the morning, she would wake up, she would look towards the door and I would feel she is looking at somebody, as if somebody is there and she would get scared.

D: In the middle of the night, you  just happen to keep a check on her or something?

Mo: No, when she would be awake, we would get the milk ready for her, she would still be lying down (at night) 3.00 am when she wakes up at night, she needs again the milk to put her back to bed and whatever she would be staring there and be scared.

D: How do you know she is scared?

Mo: From her eyes.

D: Why, what is in her eyes?

Mo: Her reaction is very different, her facial expression is very different.

D: Can you try to name it?

Mo: More focused but not fixated ehhh… she would just keep staring, even if I would turn her, she would go back to that particular spot, then I just put on the light, this is when it is dark. When its dark it’s a small nightlamp that’s there so when I turn her face, she’ll turn back again.when I put on the light then she is fine. So then I feel maybe she is just seeing a shadow or what I don’t know? And it not only that it has happened only once, its happened 2-3 times I think. I told my husband that I have a feeling that there is something in the room. I know that kids have 6^th sense and I know that she can feel something or something is there. Its not possible he said. Thats what I feel I am just letting you know.

D: This is a new house, old house?

Mo? Old house.

D: Its their family house?

Mo: Its only his mom who lives there, his brother is out in Africa, mother still lives there. They have lost their father who died in that house, 20-25 yrs back. They have lost dogs there, its like a bungalow in a society.

I find it very scary itself, I myself feel scared in that room, I don’t know why,whether its just there in my mind or what, that comfort feeling is not there so I don’t enjoy staying there. So my husband says we can go and stay where your brother stays and so that thing happened. So when we shifted to Konark, my brother’s house, my mother’s house, though I lost my mother, its just my brother and sister living. I expected same thing would happen, 2-3 days of adjustment, you wont believe it Doc, the same dim light light, but no staring, no nothing, she was absolutely fine, my notion.my feeling I don’t know.

D: What else?

Mo; she keeps scratching her nose, when she is sleepy she scratches her eyes which is a normal thing for babies, but since yesterday started scratching her nose. She hates being touched on her face, like if we give her a sponge, she hates being touched on her face, she feels claustrophobic. I feel, you can’t cover her face totally, you have to do it part by part.

D: Otherwise what is her reaction.

Mo: she starts screaming, crying, she hates being left alone, even if she has got toys around, she always wants somebody with her or she has to see somebody. If you put her in the hall or if you are not playing with her, although she is sitting out there, you have to continue talking to her. She always needs someone beside her all the time. She has to have somebody around her, me or somebody. She enjoys music, she started liking glucose biscuits, seeing me having it in the mornings. She seems to have attachment to my brother. Very fond of my husband, her father. She is a friendly baby. She is like an angel, does not trouble much.

You know how other babies just go on crying, crying,  touchwood she doesn’t, she doesn’t trouble at all. Only when she is really uneasy or not feeling well, that’s when she has been restless last 2 nights, tossing and turning, tossing and turning in bed, probably because her nose was blocked.

D: This is the first time she has been away from her father?

Mo: When she was born, I delivered here so went away, 3-4 mths away from father and that’s it . can’t think anything else.

D: Tell something about your pregnancy.

Mo: My pregnancy from the start has been excellent, like if I would say if I have to get pregnant again, I would go ahead, like I wont say I suffered and I don’t want to go through it again, I don’t mind to go through it again but to have another baby initially, when I gave birth I said I want to have another baby but now  I changed my mind.

Because of the stress, I can’t take the stress, you know, the sickness. I can’t afford the another kid suffering, but I just feel she is suffering and I changed my mind.

Otherwise my pregnancy was fine, I would eat everything, no major food tastebuds, nothing that I would crave for. I would eat everything and I started getting gestational diabetes, when… I think 7^th mth, but very light one, that’s what the doctors said. So it was just diet control, no medications, no nothing given, complete diet control and I delivered 10 days before my…

D: How was it diagnosed? Just routine check-up?

Mo: Routine check-up.

D: What were the symotoms?

Mo: No, nothing.

I think, see the doctors in HongKong, they were very particular about the check-up, so then they felt the baby was overweight, but she was only 3.8kgs, when she was born, but for them, because they have small babies, Chinese babies, so they consider that and the diet they gave me was pretty Chinese one, which was not possible. We have the Indian diet which is very different from the Chinese one, so they diagnosed it that way. When I came from HongKong to India to deliver, I also did a certain test, it was fine, I went to Dr. Abhay.

D: He is a ..?

Mo: Ehh.. diabetic or something and he said you are fine, you just have to control your diet, so I wasn’t… it didn’t bother me, nothing I was still eating everything. He said no chocolates, but I still used to have chocolates.

D : Then?

Mo: he said you are fine, even my doctor said everything was fine, it s only swelling of feet, I used to get but that is normal in pregnancy and that happened only in the 7^th or 8^th mth no other swelling of hands and of the face, nothing. My weight was also fine, I think I put on 13-14kgs, on the whole 13-14kgs for my pregnancy which is normal. I talked to Dr.Maria, she said it was fine, even my delivery, it was a Cx, it was absolutely perfect. I went inside, came out smiling, my brother would take out video, I would say give me lipstick first, let me do my… I was like very happy, I was lying down, I was ready to get up, my doctor said, don’t get up. The 2^nd day itself I was ready to walk around. So on the whole I think my pregnancy, my deliverywas fine. I didn’t feel anything, no pains or so.

D: Any cravings?

Mo: No, cravings for food, no.

D: You ate well?

Mo: yes, I ate well, proper food, I used to eat sweets, sweets have always been my craving, always been.

D: What type of sweets?

Mo: Chocolates, cakes, mostly chocolates, like if you  offer me chocolate or cake, I would choose the chocolate, but if you give me a chocolate cake or icecream, I would choose the chocolate cake or a cake.

D: Over chocolate icecream?

Mo: Mostly chocolate, if it was pineapple cake and an icecream, I would choose an icecream.

D: If it’s a chocolate icecream

Mo: Over a soft drink.

D: Over the chocolate cake?

Mo: Maybe the icecream.

D: You had a chance to give her a bit of any of this or only a lick or?

Mo: No, I don’t want her to have, I know she will automatically get it, so the more I can control the better.

D: So, there has always been a craving during pregnancy as well, chocolate in any particular form or what type of chocolate?

Mo: Any chocolate.

D: No tared chocolate?

Mo: Any chocolate.

D: This is very important, though it is a routine craving, you remember during pregnancy is there any particular moments you craved the most?

Mo: Yes I did, when I was working I basically used to work for a call centre, Cathay Pacific. What would happen I used to talk to passengers, to members . There was this particular moment, the passenger was complaining, and complaining and complaining and complaining and I was getting so…. I didn’t want to take stress that time, because they said, you should not take stress when you are pregnant.

D: You were around?

Mo: I must tell you, first when I knew I was pregnant, till the 4^th mth, 4- 41/2 mths I actually controlled having chocolates. Like what I would do when I would be at work, everytime after lunch particularly, mostly and mainly I would always need something sweet. For the first 4 mths I controlled and I didn’t pick up  any chocolate or sweets I never kept any chocolate in my purse. Like if I want to have something to change my taste I would probably go and brush my teeth, to get the taste changed from my mouth or have something minty. But I did not touch chocolate for the first 4 mths.  Then what I said  to myself, I will go pick up this packet of Kisses. You get these small Kisses chocolate, I pick one more this packet and put it in my purse. And throughout the 9 mths when I have a craving I will finish this, I will not finish it in one go, it will last me for the whole pregnancy.

D: But why did you do that?

Mo: To control myself, because I didn’t want to, I know my family, there is a F/H of diabetes. I didn’t want the sweets to affect my baby, because I said if I start having sweets from day one, I know it can give complications, so I controlled myself and that particular day, when the passenger went on complaining and complaining and just talking on the phone and you cant do anything, I can’t hang up because it would be bad, its being monitored. If I was monitered that time, it would affect my job. I just opened my purse and opened that packet of chocolate and I just took out one piece and put it in my mouth, I took out another one and another one and another one, I must have finished 10 chocolates on that day itself.

D: This conversation was going on?

Mo: Yes.

D: What was it like, if you can just go back?

Mo: It was just routine, he was just complaining, I cant be specific or sure what it was, but he was complaining that we don’t make, they don’t get bookings, they cant get seats, he was like dying member and they just cant, you cant do anything, you just have to listen, you just have to control, means you cant argue with them, even if what they are saying is wrong, you just cant argue at all. And I just went on putting the chocolate and chocolateand chocolate in my mouth and it just made me feel good and then after that I started having my chocolate. Like everytime after lunch I started having it, that’s what I think triggered it and I got gestational diabetes.

And for me, myself ehh.. I have this thing when I used to work, because it is centrally AC, you cant control the temperature. And when the AC is really too strong, I cant stand. I feel cold very fast. You wanted me to do my thyroid test done right? I did it, it was normal. I will show you the report later. My hands tend to get cold very fast. My back the cold sensation happening.

D: Which part?

Mo: Full back, mainly down part. Because of the AC I tend to like shiver, but if there is no AC, even if its AC if I am covered I am fine, but  if there is AC, no cover I feel cold very fast. For me mostly my gas problem I have a lot of indigestion.

D: So, during pregnancy too you have had?

Mo: So much of gas.

D: what were the symptoms?

Mo: Everytime I would eat or even if I did’nt I would burp, gas.

D: Was there nausea?

Mo: No in fact my entire pregnancy like usually they say in the 1^st mth, you vomit, but I vomited only 2-3 times in my whole pregnancy. No vomiting,no nothing.

D: Your sleep pattern?

Mo: Would feel very tired.

D: When you were going nightshifts.

Mo: I had nightshifts only from 2-11.30 in the night, only for the first 2 mths and after that I requested them and I had normal 9-6.30 job. My working hrs were very long. It would take me one hr to go, I would get at 7.00 in the morning and 9 means like sharp, cant be even 1min late or they deduct the salary, and I would be at work till 6.30 in the evening and get back home only at 7.30 and by the time I would come back home, my back would hurt me. I would just need to lie down, very tired, more I felt when I turned into my 7^th mth, more and more heavier, felt more lethargic, didn’t want to go to work.

D: But you worked right through?

Mo: Oh yes, I worked right through, I worked till one day before we came to India which was my 8^th mth.

D: Any dreams?

Mo: I had a dream that I was going to have a baby girl.

D: Around what month?

Mo: Around 7^th.

D: What was the dream like, do you remember?

Mo: can’t remember, its like God and….. I remember one particular dream that I must share with you. I don’t know whether it was before or after my baby was born, I dreamt of my mom, before my baby was born, right.

D: Your mom is no more?

Mo: She, I lost her one yr after my marriage, in year 2001. I had a dream she was sitting in one corner, just sitting in one corner, she was smiling at me and I was pregnant. She touches my stomach and says you are going to have your baby and I just smiled and I looked at her. She smiled and went right away. That’s it, very this thing. That is the only thing I remember about my mom.

D: What was the feeling for you in the dream?

Mo: That she has given me the blessings, for my baby.

D: You were very attached to her.

Mo: Yes, initially, actually inside of me, I felt I did not spend much time with her, because I was too involved in my own teenage life, or adult. Ever since I came to Pune at the age of 18, I was born and brought up in Phillipines I only came to Pune  @ age of 18 ,then I studied here,got friends started liking a gug and I got so involved with that and my friends so I would not spend enough time with her although I was fond of her , attached to her like  I would go pick her up when she would go play cards at club , go take her out .But I always had this feeling that she was more attached to my brother.

  Infact tge day she died , she called him , gave him a hug and said I love you and she just did that only to him .This was the time she died  and that happened , in my mind it was that ,she never did that to me .After 1-2 wks after her passing away I went to spend a night with a friends place , Just to get away the stress .That night she came into my dream and how she came into my dream ,is that she just comes ,she gives me a big hug ,she looks into my eyes  and saya I love u .U know exactly the same thing and I will never forget that dream in my entire life.

Its like she read my mind ,that I felt it and she just had to reaasure me .From the  time that she was passing away I told her, how can u leave me and go , who is going to take care of my baby all she did that was she pointed up , she said God.Everytime  some thing happens to my baby,I keep telling her , I say now what happened .Now also I feel my moms just there .but you know why  she is so comfortable  at Konark, because that’s my moms place. I don’t know  Why? Because she is very attached to my brother  and sometimes he…..And one more thing with Trisha , I feel she reads my mind ,I don’t know whether its in me.

 D: How do you say that?

 Mo Because everytime I would think of something , like previously I would think that she would get it , she would get it , I would be thnking of something else like , don’t do this , don’t  do that , any or she is going to do it now ,going to do it now, its going to happen , its going to happen , any small thing and it would happen .

     Something  I would be thinking of , she would turn and look at me . Like if it’s a bad thought ,I keep getting bad thought , I don’t know self made or what ,and  I hate myself and I control myself..Its like I make things up in my mind, its like fear or what , from where these things come up, its just I am thinking  something bad .and will just stop myself , What  are you thinking of? And she will just look at me and she understands what  I am thinking , she knows what I am thinking , she reads my mind.

D: Any other reason that you  think that she could be ?

Mo: That she is my mom .I don’t know may be probably my coming suddenly here, giving birth here, which was never planned, I planned to give birth in Hong Kong, but it so happened because of gestational diabetes and the doctors there told me ,mislead , not mislead may be they said we will inject you with insulin and I didn’t want it to happen, because it was not  a serious case. They kept telling me your baby’s head  is so big , we might have to keep u under observation for a month .I didn’t want to take that risk, plus I didn’t have a maid , didn’t have a maid visa , I decided to come here, because my mother –in law didn’t want to come to Hong Kong.So I had nobody else to help me , I didn’t have a choice but to travel exactly at the last month where I could travel to come here ,so I  felt I was pulled out to be here.

     The same thing happened again , I being pulled to come here  and be here.Its just two episodes may be my thought or just I feel ? ever since she is being in this house, nothing has happened , as if she is perfectly fine , happy healthy baby.

     Its like no convulsion , no nothing , normal sickness she can take , infact I am glad,she has the sickness  now , because it’s  a thing which needs to be seem whether it is going to happen again. I told Dr. Bhave about it, but she said give it a month , if it doesn’t happen in a month you are  safe .And because of the attachment towards my brother , usually wherever he is she looks she will want to touch his face , I don’t know whether its my feeling or what I don’t know?

D: You said about these bad thoughts, tell me something more about it?

Mo: I don’t know, I feel something bad is going to happen, more with people I love, with my brother, my husband, my daughter. You know, its like with my husband, I always feel since he has got this problem with blood pressure, so in my thoughts I feel Oh God! I feel that his father died at an early age, even he will die, then what’s going to happen to me?  I keep thinking, then I think Shirley, what are you thinking of? And I also think my brother also has diabetes, so he is going to go fast, like my father died early. Maybe my brother will also go then whats going to happen to me ?

       Now I am thinking my daughter she has got this, is she going to die or be OK? Leave me again. You know so its all these thoughts that keep coming to my mind, its like I keep thinking, I just cut myself from it, my husband says you just keep thinking negative. You  have got very negative thoughts.

D: but this sixth  sense thing , tat you said , may be she has , do you also feel it ?

Mo: I feel I have a sixth sense , when I feel something good is going to happen.

D: For good  things?

Mo: Good things  the sixth sense but not seeing people or seeing anything.

D: These things come true?

Mo: Yeah , sometimes yeah. For eg. When I got married to my husband , first financially we were not well .For him it was a struggle being in Hong Kong. When we first got married  he was already in a job , by the time we moved to Hong Kong, he lost his job, we didn’t have anything, we were about to wrap up and come back to India.And I kept telling him hang  on hang on , I know u have it within you , give it some time you will make it in life . Trust me you will make it in life, I kept  telling him that , and all of sudden , its like God  sent in an angel ,somebody just calls him and says come , we want you to job. That job didn’t happen .It happened , but it happened for a sudden period of time , he was going down . Another angel comes offers him a job and he is got a better position , and touch wood he has got a better position , that he himself is happy.I just keep praying to God , that I want my husband , happy inside , because I feel he has been through  so much unhappiness , he has seen so much unhappy things in his life , that I want to see him the happiness now specially in job front , home front , everything .

D: Then you said about yourself having a comfort zone in this house ,tell about it.

Mo: I have never been comfortable with mother -in -law, I don’t  get along with my mother-in-law , she and I have had issues  before which has been  from  day one .She is very old fashioned , orthodox kind of women and even my husband realizes that with his own mother and thank God , he sees it himself .I don’t aggravate the situation and my husband sees it , that its just that kind , its just her nature , I try to come up to understand her nature , but she just different kind of a person .Daughter-in-law should be daughter-in-law ,like in the beginning ,she expected me to do the sweeping and mopping ,serve my husband  and I not that kind because my husband knows I am not that kind , I have had servants all my life , I am very dependent on the servants , I cant do anything on my self .I didn’t know how to cook till the time I got married ,one month before my mother –in –law taught me the basic things . And I feel very eerie at that house ,like a scary thing .

D: Tell about that?

Mo: Probably because there are so many trees, there are not many people staying there its like a bungalow, very quite , no noise. If I were to live alone in that  house, I won’t sleep at night .Impossible.

D: Why?

Mo: I feel there is some ghost or something

        I don’t know.

D: You believe in that ?

Mo: In ghosts , actually No.

D: Then?

Mo: But , I don’t know , I just……

D: Why you get afraid , were there earlier experience ?

Mo: Not really

D: Then?

Mo: May  be it is in my mind, my thoughts.

D: Why you feel there is a ghost ?

Mo:I don’t know .

D: As the thoughts come , go on , don’t rationalize .

Mo: Just the feeling that you know, sometimes …

Cant even say that I have heard the noises or what , nothing , never even heard any noises. I don’t feel father-in in law is still around or may be because there is no one who has lived there and only the MO, because she doesn’t get along with anybody.Her own son , second sons wife also , she has had problems with , in that my sister in law , never wants to come again in that house again.

D: Because?

Mo: Same , Its like she herself does not want anybody around.

D: Is it?

Mo: Whenever we stay there ,she is very attached to my daughter ,she is very fond of my daughter .She takes very good care of my daughter , no doubt about that.

D: So you think particularly you dead father-in-law is still around ? That’s the felling.

Mo: Yeah.

D: And you know him?

Mo: Never met him.

D: You have heard things about him, his nature, how has he been like?

Mo: Yeah, I think he has been ok, quite strict kind, that’s what .I have heard from my husband that he was very strict , kind .

D: So even if he is dead .lets presume , why should he be bother for you?

Mo: For me I have always been scared of darkness and being alone. In the middle of night I just get scared , I need light ,I need people .Like in the beginning when we got married , even to go to toilet  I would wake up my husband and in beginning because I was so scared.

D: So this fear of darkness dates back to?

Mo: I think since childhood .Probably because when we used to live in   Phillipines   why ghosts? Ok why ghosts , my fear is because that building in  Phillipines  the stories that I have heard from other people , apparently that building was haunted ,where we lived .And  it would happen that ,the neighbour , our next door neighbour would tell us a story that in the middle of the night , the piano would be playing ,but all of them are asleep and nobody was playing piano.

What  I personally have heard, that the person living on the top ,its like chairs being moved in the middle of the night .And when we would go to ask them What are you doing in the middle of the night? Why are you moving the chairs and making so much noise?

They would tell us that they were fast asleep why would we move the chairs.

Personally I have heard chairs moving ,so when they tell me, we have not done that , who else is going to do it?

Probably , because that school I went had ,all this ghosts ,so everybody would talk ,so that’s how I feel that there are ghosts and spirits around and its  a possibility.

So that’s why I feel that fear is   at night ,that something will be there.

For myself ,I must tell you my, this goes back to  Konark  Enclave ,when my Father died in1992 once I got very scared ,is because in my room it happened on 29^th April, I  don’t remember the year ,my mom was still alive ,few years after my dad passed away.

You know those touch lamps 1,2,3  tapp those  lamp ,when you touch the lamp it becomes dimmer ,it so happened that night, it was 28^th night ,I was sleeping alone , my mom in next  room  ,my brother was in Dubai ,I was sleeping and the  door shut and middle of night I got up to  go to toilet , it was a urgency which never happens and that night immediately I got  a scary feeling whether it was in my dream or actually happening .All of a sudden scary feeling ,I just woke up and was about to put on the light before my hand even touched it , the light came on, I just looked at it , the second light came on ,my heard beat was already beating and then third light went off.I immediately got up and put on the light because I felt how can it be either ,it is a loose connection or something and the sound of the door  the latch ,and the door was shit ,heard the handle being shut.

D: Opening the door?

Mo: No, closing , the door was shut the handle being shut , but not the door there was a click sound something like that , not the door.

I t was a scary feeling , how can it be put on the light , scary feeling –good feeling but what came to my mind that my father had came to wish me happy birthday ,wasn’t even scared. I just went and told my mom the next day morning, may be because that very night , she felt apparently a tap on her head , it could have been  my father .And it all coordinates and I feel there is something.

D: So then , you went back to sleep?

Mo: Yeah ,I was comfortable , wasn’t  even scared.

D: The moment that realization  came , it could be your father ?

Mo: Yeah , I was fine .

D: So when you get scared , what are the symptoms in your body?

Mo: Heard feels scary , I  just tend to shut  my eyes when I am asleep . I get scared I shut my eyes ,I don’t want to se what is there  and I just try to sleep . I am awake , get the scary feeling then I just try not to think about , try to think of something good , scary feeling , just keep coming ,something bad is about to happen.

D: How were things there?

Mo: Perfect , she was absolutely fine, gave inoculations , injections , 1^st in Hospital , Dr. Hiremath , then Dr. Bhave she has been my moms and fathers doctor.

D: Did you nurse her?

Mo: When she was born , she was immediately put in NICV , because they wanted to do tests to make sure that she didn’t get Diabetes so that 24 hours , Monday @  8:55 in the morning given birth ,they gave me her on Tues evening 6:30 .For full 24 hours did not nurse her , when they got her to me, by that time they must have fed her lactogen .By then I had milk coming out , had to use breast pads , because gown wetwhen it comes to her ,she did not want to suck ,so what the nurse used to do they would squeeze it out and take it out in katori, then or insisted that yellow thing.

D:cholesterum

Mo: She said you have to make sure , you give it your baby(Dr.Maria) I think she got it Even if she would howl, she refused to suck, in fact we had to give katori spoon, lactogen.Reached home , Rashmi helped she refused finally she would do it once a day. Then she started to suck on her own , by then no milk came .I would still put her to my breast get the little which would come .Stopped because I started getting shapako.

D: Urticaria?

Mo: Red, itching, like big mosquito bites.

D: All over?

Mo: On my hande , my legs, yeah it comes all over my body.

D: Then you stopped nursing?

Mo: Then I ,”      “  ..” didn’t want to take risk. Then  I  went to skin Dr. .He told me to take  lorfast  1 tb and I would get fine. What is surprising I get this shapako only in  India .I don’t know what causes the allergy ,Kept taking medicine till “Oct.”

D:  What else ?

Mo: That’s it.

D: Anything more about yourself?

Mo: I have this disease spell, while I am talking to you , I am fine , if I have to go out I feel dizzy I don’t know why. I ignore it , it doesn’t cause pain to me or make me uneasy            

D: apart from this any other problem ?

Mo: My gas problem.

D: Weight issues?

Mo: When  we were born , I was premature born in 7^th month  was in incubator for 1 week, I was naughty .When my mother was pregnant , she didn’t  want  a 2^nd child , she took medicine to drop , but I refused to go , doctors told  what are you doing ? its not affecting , the kid is not going ,you’ll  have an abnormal baby so she stopped.

I have a dark skin , she told me about this .Mother didn’t have good relations with Dad , so she didn’t want to have a 2^nd baby .Twos years gap between me and my brother.

D: So you were talking about weight ?

Mo: When  I was born I was very thin , so Doctors gave me medicine to increase weight ,and because of that …Although  I used to exercise before specially before marriage to get good gug .Was walking in Hong Kong , not in Pune here.

D: Does weight trouble u?

Mo: I am ok with it , though I know I have to lose weight.

Doctor I have this pigmentation on neck.

She wrinkles her nose (face smiling)

She loves nursery rhymes ,music rhythm,Mother sings rhymes.

D: She loves music?

Mo: Yeah she loves

D: Did you listen to music in pregnancy?

Mo: Yes

She loves throning things and picking it up. Touch the new things first and pick it up

D: She is cautions with new things?

Mo: first , she will explore then play.

D: Any skin problem for her?

Mo: Birth mark on her thigh (left)   

D: Anybody else at home ?

Mo: Mo , too

D:  Anything more you want to say?

Mo: That’s it.

Video glimpse-

   She is  becoming unconscious , sleeping spell ,beginning to shut eyes ,is feeling sleepy , pale face , this is the beginning phase